[Backdated to a day or so after kitty bandages incident...]

[thekingsgambit]

[It is an ungodly hour of the morning that most campers haven't even heard of, possibly just before sunrise, do you know where your failemp is?]


((PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5))

Comments

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

...I see. You didn't consider what you wanted.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Smile remains even though his eyes turn cold]

Do you truly believe that matters, Suzaku?

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

...then what do you mean by "personal"?

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Lifts the queen between two fingers, regarding it with a lost expression.]

The smaller wishes, the ones easily forgotten when viewing the world on its grand scale. Dreams that will never elicit powerful change but can be even more important to their owners. The longing for the ones important to you to be safe, happy. The lost variable.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[quiets, a tired look passing over his face. then as if making a decision, leans forward intently]

People have all sorts of things that they want. But sometimes they just can't be fulfilled. And it's not up to you to grant all of those wishes.

[hesitates]

You yourself can't fix everything. You can't always give people what they want, and you can't change what people want, either-- it's like Geass, isn't it? You can only do what seems like the right thing to you. Sometimes it requires sacrifices.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Laughs weakly]

Right to me... ? Being here... isn't right to me.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Pushes him away.]

It wasn't supposed to be this way!

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[stands, looking down at him]

Oh? How was it supposed to be?

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Doesn't stand but instead returns his attention to the chess piece.]

... Complete.

But it's not, not here. And that's all I see.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

Tch. Is that all your resolve was about, then? Not about the world, but about absolving yourself of guilt, about sacrificing yourself for others? And after all this time, scolding me for it.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Immediately forces himself to his feet, going completely pale as the action makes him feel faint. He snatches for Suzaku's coat collar.]

Bastard! Do you think I would have given you your role if it was nothing more than that? Do you think I would have abandoned --

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[-- Cuts self off as quickly as he can.]

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

... I told you, I planned for everything. I gave you your chance to help them, to change the world yourself.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[doesn't react at all to the grabbing]

So if you realize your purpose, why this self-pity, all of the sudden?

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Grips harder and practically hisses through his teeth, as if forcing himself to admit it. He looks up at him, with frenzied, exhausted and ever so slightly haunted eyes.]

It's different here.

There's debts to pay and doing so is much more... problematic.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[reaching to the loosen the grip]

It is...it is different here. Things that shouldn't be possible are possible, apparently whether or not we want them to be. There's no purpose or any easy way out. But don't you think destroying yourself in the process isn't the best way to deal with it? Do you think that would settle the debts?

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Sags]

It wasn't my objective.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[allowing his expression to soften]

No, but it seems to be the end result.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Lets go and walks over to the wall, resting his good forearm and forehead against it, as he gives a tight, shaky sigh.]

... What am I supposed to do, Suzaku?

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[watches him for a long moment and then looks away, down at his hands]

Nothing-- or, only what you can. It's enough.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Turns gaze without moving, looking through his bangs.]

What I can?

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

Yes. If you're talking about paying debts, helping people. Only what you yourself can do. Or if I can help...

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

Helping people...

[Goes quiet again, as if in thought.]

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[moves towards him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder]

Is that not what you meant?

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Tenses at first, as if to pull away as he has so many times already. Then seems to ease down, exhaling quietly before setting a hand over Suzaku's.]

It is...