[Backdated to a day or so after kitty bandages incident...]

[thekingsgambit]

[It is an ungodly hour of the morning that most campers haven't even heard of, possibly just before sunrise, do you know where your failemp is?]


((PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5))

Comments

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Jerks back to, wild eyes focusing as if again remembering that Suzaku is even there. The rigidness that had overtaken his body starts to give way...]

Suzaku... I had to come... There's no one else.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[sighs, dropping his hands, the words familiar]

Tell me.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Lowers his eyes and his voice.]

I abandoned them, didn't I? You too. I didn't even see it.

It was supposed to be fitting. It was supposed to give them what they needed.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[breath catching as he finally realizes the import of everything he's said]

That's...

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

You're right. At the time it was what we didn't realize. I didn't, either. That losing you...

[shakes head]

But people will move forward...and the end result was bigger than any of us.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Looks up at that first part for a moment and then quickly drops his gaze again.]

... Ah, it is not in that that I failed. I know the ones left will decide their own destinies. It's something much more... simple.

[He picks up one of the black knights and squeezes it in his fist.]

Perhaps that's why I overlooked it.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[tilts head to the side]

More simple?

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Shakes his head, barely, and then reaches for the white queen, which had fallen to the ground in Suzaku's lunge. His smile is strained.]

Personal.

[This almost whispered.]

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

...I see. You didn't consider what you wanted.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Smile remains even though his eyes turn cold]

Do you truly believe that matters, Suzaku?

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

...then what do you mean by "personal"?

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Lifts the queen between two fingers, regarding it with a lost expression.]

The smaller wishes, the ones easily forgotten when viewing the world on its grand scale. Dreams that will never elicit powerful change but can be even more important to their owners. The longing for the ones important to you to be safe, happy. The lost variable.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[quiets, a tired look passing over his face. then as if making a decision, leans forward intently]

People have all sorts of things that they want. But sometimes they just can't be fulfilled. And it's not up to you to grant all of those wishes.

[hesitates]

You yourself can't fix everything. You can't always give people what they want, and you can't change what people want, either-- it's like Geass, isn't it? You can only do what seems like the right thing to you. Sometimes it requires sacrifices.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Laughs weakly]

Right to me... ? Being here... isn't right to me.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Pushes him away.]

It wasn't supposed to be this way!

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[stands, looking down at him]

Oh? How was it supposed to be?

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Doesn't stand but instead returns his attention to the chess piece.]

... Complete.

But it's not, not here. And that's all I see.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

Tch. Is that all your resolve was about, then? Not about the world, but about absolving yourself of guilt, about sacrificing yourself for others? And after all this time, scolding me for it.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Immediately forces himself to his feet, going completely pale as the action makes him feel faint. He snatches for Suzaku's coat collar.]

Bastard! Do you think I would have given you your role if it was nothing more than that? Do you think I would have abandoned --

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[-- Cuts self off as quickly as he can.]

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

... I told you, I planned for everything. I gave you your chance to help them, to change the world yourself.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[doesn't react at all to the grabbing]

So if you realize your purpose, why this self-pity, all of the sudden?

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Grips harder and practically hisses through his teeth, as if forcing himself to admit it. He looks up at him, with frenzied, exhausted and ever so slightly haunted eyes.]

It's different here.

There's debts to pay and doing so is much more... problematic.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[reaching to the loosen the grip]

It is...it is different here. Things that shouldn't be possible are possible, apparently whether or not we want them to be. There's no purpose or any easy way out. But don't you think destroying yourself in the process isn't the best way to deal with it? Do you think that would settle the debts?

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Sags]

It wasn't my objective.