IC: Post Nunnally update

[thekingsgambit]

[Sometime after speaking with Cornelia and checking on Nunnally, who is still in a deep sleep from the other day, Lelouch heads toward his room to retrieve the piece of paper with the notes he had once taken from Muraki's book in regards to medications to help with sleep.]

Comments

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

It couldn't be helped. Things had...have...to be carried through, even though it's not what she wanted. Or what we wanted to subject her to.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Wishes he could still cloak himself in the forced sense of righteousness that Suzaku is so skilled at hiding within. But this place has already done too much to train him out of that. The words that do leave him are mere recitals for Suzaku's sake more than his own.]

Of course, it was for the sake of the world, for the sake of everything.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

... I never expected to see her again, after...

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

You said you realized it would hurt her. It is different to be faced with it. But she needs to work through it, and with time, she'll recover.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Gives a short, rough breath of a laugh.]

You are still the one who respects her strength more than I. Even when we were children...

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

It's just that I know how grief works, Lelouch. And I don't think she's the kind of person who will ultimately let it destroy her.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Just looks at him, any kind of response growing thick in his throat.]

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[Gaze flickers over to him]

I think it's okay to have a little faith. Although it won't be easy.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Finds his voice amid that reminder of his place, not one of regret but one of response. His tone regains its usual volume.]

No, it won't be easy. But we owe it to her all the same. I will let Nunnally make her own choices this time.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[Nods approvingly, then glances away again]

There's something else you should know. When I said Nunnally knew everything, I meant that she knew everything about what happened.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Turns to Suzaku slowly, trying to comprehend the impossibility of what he is telling him, eyes widening and breath growing still.]

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[Doesn't meet his gaze, focusing on a point in the distance, his voice flat]

She asked me how I could do it, and I couldn't deny it.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

How you could...

[Voice trails off, instantly realizing what Suzaku is not saying, why he's not facing him. Zero Requiem. Nunnally, she knew what they had done. More than just the massacres and the imprisonments. The choreography of the Demon King's death and Zero's triumphant moment as hero of the people. Only she knew what he laid behind both those masks. He had never realized... She isn't just reeling from his death but from the knowledge that he had forced his best friend, their best friend, to commit the act. She knew the truth about the knight that had stayed by her side for months here and played at their childhood friendship with her brother. She told him he lied to her... Ah, he had lied.]

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[Finally brings himself to look over at Lelouch as he hears the realization dawn in the other's voice.]

...sorry.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

Why - Why are you apologizing?

[He can barely find the words amid the onslaught of shock. A tremble has started at his shoulders and is now noticeable in his voice.]

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

[The tremble snaps Suzaku back to the present moment, as he carefully composes himself again. He shakes his head]

Because I know you don't want her to know. But she deserved the truth after everything.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

I... do not intend to lie to her ever again, Suzaku.

[Pause.]

... Will she still let you stay with her?

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

She was upset with me, but that's to be expected. I thought she would be a lot angrier than she was. She didn't tell me to go away.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

[Gives a relieved sigh, though still incredibly tense. He rubs at one of his arms]

... Ah, that's good.

Nunnally does not want to be alone right now, even with what happened.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

She is too good.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

I considered staying away from her, to lessen the pain she will have to go through when she loses me again...

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

I think it's her choice whether she wants to be with you. But I don't think you should stay away from her just because she's going to lose you again.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

I know. Cornelia made me realize the same thing, although she had a more difficult time of it. I have no intention of humoring the thought further.

[whenknightfalls.livejournal.com]

Good. Because I don't know how much I should be around, in any case.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

No, you cannot have her see your as avoidant. She will need you later, and she still needs to be able to believe you care about it and, more importantly, that she can trust you. This is not about our pain, Suzaku. This about correcting our mistake.